Salar de Uyuni, Bolivia by night
"When the night comes, the starry sky reflects on its surface like in a mirror, and you have the feeling of being in space."
Lately it feels as though you’re not as into me as you were a couple months ago. You don’t seem to want to spend time with me as much as you used to. Maybe it’s just because we see each other so much and that’ll change when I go to work and I’m gone 10 hours a day. At least I hope so cause I miss just laying with you and enjoying each other’s company like we used to do. Sometimes it feels like you’d rather be with Jake and the times you say that he does things that I don’t do but should kind of hurt and make me wonder if you’re losing interest in me and would rather it just be you and him again. Or maybe I’m just imagining things again. But that’s how it’s felt lately. And I’m trying to give you more space, and taking the bus alone yesterday was a really big deal for me. I don’t know. I just miss when you used to hug me randomly and tell me you love me several times a day. Now you hardly say it at all and when you do it’s mumbled. And that really hurts and scares me. I know I’ve been a judgemental ass lately which is why I felt so bad yesterday. And I beat myself up every time I do it because I don’t mean to. And things in my head don’t come out right when I speak so I sound mean when I’m not trying to be. I love you and I miss how we were when we first started this thing. I just hope that maybe my being at work a lot will make you miss me and want to spend time with me again.
Echo isn’t sure how he feels about these fluffy jellybeans
It is really fucking annoying living with an adult man who is incapable of cleaning up after himself. Moving a mess from the center of a room into some corner is not cleaning. Throwing clothes on the floor or onto the laundry bag instead of in it when it’s RIGHT FUCKING THERE. I am not dealing with this crap when I have to start working 40 hours a week. You think I’m annoying now just wait. You are 29 fucking years old. I am not going to work 8 hours a day and spend another hour and a half to 2 hours taking the bus to and from work to come home and find that you’ve done absolutely nothing all day be it Minecraft or fucking around with your friends (most of whom have jobs and the ones who live here keep their apartments cleaner than this one) If you don’t work this summer, you are not gonna be a bum while I’m busting my ass. I plan on giving you money BUT only if you keep this place clean. I am tired of cleaning while you sit on your ass messing around on the computer. I feel like your mother. This is ridiculous. I don’t care if you work or not but you have to do something around here besides what you’ve been doing. Which is nothing. We are going through all your stuff and getting rid of things you never use, various crap that is garbage, and what we do keep is getting organized. We’re getting tubs and drawers for your tools, our shoes and your video game consoles when they aren’t in use. The wine fridge can go. That front room is getting fully cleaned and organized. Everything that isn’t being used can go to the basement. That mattress in hunter’s room is going. You’re never gonna use it and it’s filthy. I told your dad I was gonna get this place clean and as of now I intend to. I am tired of being the only one who cares or takes any responsibilty. I’ll help you fix up the front and backyards. But as of now I’m putting my foot down. I’m not gonna bust my ass all day at work and come home to a mess. Our I will flip the fuck out. You’re too old for this nonsense. And Hunter is getting bad habits from you. I’m not putting up with it anymore. I don’t care if this rant makes you mad. Maybe it’ll make you understand how pissed I get when I’m trying to clean and you don’t help. Or when you make a mess right after I do clean something. I am not going to be the only responsible adult around here.
Lately I’ve been noticing these habits that I need to break; it’s like I’m starting to channel my parents. The things they did that pissed me off when I was younger I’m starting to notice myself doing. And it’s not so much because I’m older, it’s just the way I was raised and it’s coming out more now because I’m around things that are new to me so my brain reverts to “what did my parents teach me about this” and most of it is very wrong. They were very strict and judgemental about alternate lifestyles. And I find myself doing that. Being judgemental because that’s what I was taught. When deep down what I really believe is so long as no one is being deliberately hurt, there’s nothing wrong with it. But that’s not what comes out when I speak. The things I say are do different from what’s really in my head most of the time and it’s getting to the point where I really need to fix that. Because I come off as this harsh judgemental person which for the mist part I’m not. Yes I can be judgemental at times and it’s usually cause there’s something I see in another that’s something in me that I hate about myself. So I tend to be an ass about it. When I’m really trying to help us both out, it comes off as me being a controlling bitch. And it’s not my intention. I know I’m a lazy fuck when I’m unemployed. And the longer in out of work, the lazier and more unmotivated I get. I question all the good things that happen to me because I don’t feel like I deserve them. I think I’m a horrible person and I hate myself most of the time. I cling too hard to something that is good and wind up ruining it. Again and again. So every time something good happens I wonder how long it’s gonna last before I fuck it up. I don’t want to be this way. But I’ve been like that for so long that it’s hard to break out of it.