New in the shop! Ruby the Sea Dragon! https://www.etsy.com/listing/196474958/ruby-the-sea-dragon-sculpture-polymer
Now available in my shop! My Neighbor Totoro sculpture! https://www.etsy.com/listing/195829558/totoro-sculpture-decoration-decor
Every time I see this part, I recite this line. In Dobby’s high pitched voice.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I think I may need to go back on medication, and that scares me, but the way I’ve been feeling lately scares me more. And I know it’s been hard for you too and I don’t like that you’re starting to become numb to my problems because they’re always around and it’s exhausting to deal with. But just remember that as hard as it is for you to deal with, it’s even harder for me because you can just walk away if you want while I can’t. They’re in my head and I can’t shut them off. So I’m gonna get help again, and I really need your support and compassion right now because this is a big deal for me and it scares me because I don’t like being on medication but I’d rather deal with that than the continuous hopeless feeling I’ve had lately. And I’m tired of being sad and scared all of the time and taking it out on you. I want to be happy, or at least able to function normally without waking up one morning wishing I hadn’t and then having to deal with that for however long that feeling decides to last. I want to be ok, and not always be afraid that my being sick is going to push you away because it feels like I am and I really don’t want that. I know you love me but I want you to love the real me, the healthy me, not the me who’s sick and broken all the time. I promise you I’m better than this crap and if I have to take medicine to bring that person back than I guess it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make if it’ll make everything better with me and us. I don’t like that I’m one of those people who has to be medicated to be themselves but there’s just something wrong inside my head and nothing I can do on my own is going to fix it. It’s not just an emotional thing, it’s deeper than that, to the point where there’s something physically wrong with my brain and despite my best efforts to fight it, I can’t get myself to feel better. There’s a better person inside me and I can feel her but I can’t always hear her logic when I need it and I want to let her out before it’s too late and she’s gone forever. I see my mom and my aunt and they refuse to acknowledge that there’s anything wrong with them and because they won’t get help, they’ve lost that part of themselves. They don’t live anymore. They survive. And I’m tired of just surviving. I want to live again. I want to feel something besides pain and fear. And on those days when I’m feeling ok and the stronger part of me is there I can feel your love for me but then she gets pushed down by the disease and I lose it and I question your love and I don’t want to do that anymore because it’s not fair to either of us, and I know if I keep doing it I’m going to lose you. So I’m taking a stand, and I’m going to face the reality that I’m sick and I need to take medicine to be ok, because I don’t want to become my mother, and I don’t want to push you away because you are the best thing to happen to me in a very long time and I won’t let my illness ruin that.