I feel bad all the time. I just don’t really show it to you because it just doesn’t seem like you care anymore. And when it gets to the point where I can’t hide it you jokingly tell me to stop it. But that’s just it. I can’t just stop it. And I really wish it was that simple. That there was some off button for this disease but there’s not. It takes time and a lot of effort. And all I ask of you is for patience and understanding. Because this is really really hard. And i’m doing the best that I can. I’m sorry if it doesn’t seem like it but every day I am fighting an uphill battle. And I don’t like having to hide my feelings from you because you’re tired of dealing with it. Well guess what? So am I. You think it’s hard for you but you’re not the one who has to deal with being inside my head and hearing that voice telling me that I’m worthless all the time. I understand it’s not easy for you to deal with this but just remember that if you want to get away you can. I can’t. I have to live with it every fucking day and it is so hard
And it scares me when you get distant because I think “well that’s it. He’s done.” I don’t WANT to ruin every good thing that comes along in my life. And you’re the best thing I’ve had in a very long time. I don’t want to chase you off with this. And that’s why I’m trying harder than I ever have with anything. So please bear with me. I’m gonna start taking these supplements regularly and hopefully it’ll help. Because I can’t do it on my own and I refuse to go on any more medications because they make things worse. But I’m not gonna hide my feelings from you anymore because it’s not helping matters. And I wouldn’t like it if you hid things from me. And I really don’t care if it’s hard for you to deal with my disease. You knew what you were getting into. You say you love me unconditionally. So as hard as it is for you it’s a million times worse for me. And I’m busting my ass to make things with with you because I love you so much. so please don’t give up on me.
I feel like all I am is an annoyance.
Artist and architect Yusuke Oono has designed an amazing series of 40-page books that fan out into 360-degree storybooks. Can you say OMG?
Sublime - Bad Fish
Trying to explain to someone who doesn’t have anxiety what it’s like is so difficult. How doing things that are normal and easy for other people leave you emotionally drained and tired. And that you know getting stressed over some things is stupid but you can’t help it. And saying I’m being ridiculous doesn’t help. I know I’m being stupid! I don’t need to be reminded of that fact. But taking the bus to work alone is a big deal for me. And if I have a panic attack before I go then so be it. Just remind me that it’s gonna be fine and give me hug til I calm down. And when I get home I’m emotionally drained from doing something that for me is very hard. And saying you’re proud of me for getting through it would make me feel awesome. Because this morning I was scared and really really didn’t want to leave the house at all. But I did. And that is a huge fucking deal for me. Because it was ridiculously hard. I just need you to understand that. Stuff that is easy fir you and everyone else is very difficult for me and takes a lot of effort for me to get through so it wears me down more than most people. And all I want at the end of the day is to relax with you and know that you’re proud of me for doing something that is way out of my comfort zone.
beautiful spirals in nature