-I have to share the man I love with someone else which really hurts and makes me feel left out and very lonely when he’s not around. And I feel selfish for wanting him to myself.
-I keep getting infections and I don’t know why.
-I can’t afford anything cause I don’t have a job.
-I still don’t feel at home where I live.
-I’m almost always in physical pain because my depression had been so bad lately.
I don’t know enough about the lifestyle to really say anything about it but the pictures of bruising and stuff just brought back some things that I’d rather not remember. Due to past experiences I will never be fully into that kind of thing because it does and has brought back some memories of what’s happened to me. The first time I was raped I was beaten pretty badly and was bruised over most of my lower body. Those images just reminded me of that. I don’t judge you for being into that stuff but I will never be competely comfortable in a setting where stuff like that is going on regardless of whether it’s consensual. And like I’ve said before, I do get jealous. I’m not proud of it but it’s just how I am so seeing pics of other people made me feel bad. I’m just weird that way I guess. And I’d be worried about what you’d do if we went somewhere where stuff like that was going on. Like I said, I don’t know much about the lifestyle so I’m not trying to be offensive or anything, I’m just naive in that area. And like I said, I’m only into you so I’d never do anything with anyone else and with the exception of Jake, I’d like the same respect. Cause I’ve messed around with people and have had people fuck me over in relationships and I really don’t want to deal with that here. I’m having a hard enough time trying to deal with what’s already going on and working on being okay with that that I don’t want to worry about any other outside things. And I’m not saying that you would do anything like that, I’m just putting that out there so it’s known. I’m sorry if anything I’ve just written has upset or offended you, it was not intentional, like I said, I don’t know much about any of that stuff. And I do still love you, even though I’m a little weirded out right now. I’m sorry.